Arggh!!!!!!!!!!! PROCRASTINATION KILLS!!!!!
I've been trying to work on my paper for days now!!! And I have only barely started (on the "rough" draft) a few minutes ago!
OMG all that excuse for sleeping and needing rest is just crap! I think I was just trying to avoid working on my paper.
The assignment is on the character of Mrs. Loveit. She's an interesting parsonage, but very twisted. Its like I can't seem to find how to order my essay *confused frown*
For now, I think I'll just write everything that pops into my head. If I have at least 4 pages done, I'll treat myself to a nap *knocks on wood*
Ciao!
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Monday, October 03, 2005
I came across this passage as I was reading L.M.Montgomery's Magic for Marigold.
...May had said she would give one of her eyes to see the famous Skinner doll. Marigold had gone bravely into the Orchard room to ask Old Grandmother if May might come and see it. She found Old Grandmother asleep-really asleep, not pretending as she sometimes did. Marigold was turning away when her eyes fell on Alicia. Somehow Alicia looked so lovely and appaling-as if she were asking for a little fun. Impulsively Marigold ran to the glass case, opened the door and took Alicia out. She even slipped the shoe out of the hand that had held it for years, and put it on the waiting foot.
...but Marigold did not feel so bold when Salome, terrible and regal in her new plum-colored drugget and starched white apron, had appeared before them and haled her into Old Grandmother's room.
"I should have know she was too quiet" said Salome. "there was the two of 'em-with HER on a chair for a throne, offering HER red currents on lettuce leaves and kissing HER hands. And a crown of flowers on HER head. And both HER boots on. You could 'a' knocked me down iwth a feather. HER, that's never been out o' that glass case since I came to Cloud o' Spruce."
"Why did you do such a naughty thing?" said Old Grandmother snappily.
"She-she wanted to be loved so much," sobbed Marigold. "Nobody has loved her for so long."
"You might wait till I am dead before meddling with her.She will be yours then to 'love' all you want to."
"But you might live forever,"cried Marigold. "Lazarre says so. And I didn't hurt her one bit."
"You might have broken her to fragments."
"Oh, no, no, I couldn't hurt her by loving her."
"I'm not so sure of that," muttered Old Grandmother, who was constantly saying things Marigold was to understand twenty years later.
This passage got me thinking about the nature of love. Sometimes, when we intend to love, it could actually hurt the person that receives it. Just like the doll, although Marigold wanted to love it, she ran the risk of destroying it forever. True she was young and careless so handle such a delicate doll, so this means that perhaps one would have to allow time for love to develop. One shouldn't rush into things quickly without thinking twice of the consequences.
It was also interesting to me about the innocent reaction of Marigold's. After all, the child wanted to love the doll out of the kindness in her heart. Her first impulse was to hold the doll and somehow convey to it how much she loved it.
She could have done that and not destroyed the doll (by dropping it on the floor for example) and the doll would have known how much it is loved.
On the other hand, in showing how love, the doll could have been destroyed forever.
I guess then the next question turns to the nature of the object of our affections, how resilient, how strong they are. If it is a glass doll, obviously its beautiful though very fragile and therefore runs the risk of precarious death.
Also, it depends on the nature of the beholder. I mean if Marigold was older and more careful, she can handle the glass doll much better.
So love depends on a variety of factors, both the giver and receiver, as well as outward dimensions such as time and place.
...May had said she would give one of her eyes to see the famous Skinner doll. Marigold had gone bravely into the Orchard room to ask Old Grandmother if May might come and see it. She found Old Grandmother asleep-really asleep, not pretending as she sometimes did. Marigold was turning away when her eyes fell on Alicia. Somehow Alicia looked so lovely and appaling-as if she were asking for a little fun. Impulsively Marigold ran to the glass case, opened the door and took Alicia out. She even slipped the shoe out of the hand that had held it for years, and put it on the waiting foot.
...but Marigold did not feel so bold when Salome, terrible and regal in her new plum-colored drugget and starched white apron, had appeared before them and haled her into Old Grandmother's room.
"I should have know she was too quiet" said Salome. "there was the two of 'em-with HER on a chair for a throne, offering HER red currents on lettuce leaves and kissing HER hands. And a crown of flowers on HER head. And both HER boots on. You could 'a' knocked me down iwth a feather. HER, that's never been out o' that glass case since I came to Cloud o' Spruce."
"Why did you do such a naughty thing?" said Old Grandmother snappily.
"She-she wanted to be loved so much," sobbed Marigold. "Nobody has loved her for so long."
"You might wait till I am dead before meddling with her.She will be yours then to 'love' all you want to."
"But you might live forever,"cried Marigold. "Lazarre says so. And I didn't hurt her one bit."
"You might have broken her to fragments."
"Oh, no, no, I couldn't hurt her by loving her."
"I'm not so sure of that," muttered Old Grandmother, who was constantly saying things Marigold was to understand twenty years later.
This passage got me thinking about the nature of love. Sometimes, when we intend to love, it could actually hurt the person that receives it. Just like the doll, although Marigold wanted to love it, she ran the risk of destroying it forever. True she was young and careless so handle such a delicate doll, so this means that perhaps one would have to allow time for love to develop. One shouldn't rush into things quickly without thinking twice of the consequences.
It was also interesting to me about the innocent reaction of Marigold's. After all, the child wanted to love the doll out of the kindness in her heart. Her first impulse was to hold the doll and somehow convey to it how much she loved it.
She could have done that and not destroyed the doll (by dropping it on the floor for example) and the doll would have known how much it is loved.
On the other hand, in showing how love, the doll could have been destroyed forever.
I guess then the next question turns to the nature of the object of our affections, how resilient, how strong they are. If it is a glass doll, obviously its beautiful though very fragile and therefore runs the risk of precarious death.
Also, it depends on the nature of the beholder. I mean if Marigold was older and more careful, she can handle the glass doll much better.
So love depends on a variety of factors, both the giver and receiver, as well as outward dimensions such as time and place.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Ergh!!
I went to the Halaqa yesterday (on the insistence from a few friends who were like "you've GOT to come and speak up"), even though I wasn't that excited to go. After all, Nancy was presenting. I still haven't warmed up to her, I mean she's a nice person and all...but somehow I feel like we just dont' mesh. I feel like I my thoughts are far different from hers...and in her presence I even feel scared to speak up.
Anyways, yesterday at the Halaqa definity was not my cup of tea. Nancy talked about how we have to question all of our friendships-as if we had to gain "something higher" from them instead of having friends merely because we love to be around people. I for one was just apalled at what she said , that we have to try and have girlfriends instead of guy friends. I mean..ok..what if I can't find girls who are like me? Does that mean I have to shut myself in and keep looking for girls? God!!! This does make me angry!!! I have NO idea how I could have put up with it for more than an hour! I should have left much earlier. oh and another thing...she talked about thinking with your head rather than your heart when you are in a relationship-so as to "save yourself from the heartbreak" and also for practical reasons. Hello! In that case, I don't want to marry. I'd much rather be content giving and receiving love freely rather than doing it out of compulsion-just for the name of marriage. Yes, I want to have biological kids, if I can, yes, I want to experience true love. But marriage is much more than just meeting practical requirements, its also a lifetime commitment. God!!! How different people can be!
The more I was there, the more I kept feeling just weird...as if I was a bad person...
And then I realized that it shouldn't be how I think. I did nothing wrong. If God is my God, He is Love. I want to love God than fear him. I believe he has brought us here for a purpose and it is not merely serve him, but it is so that we can enjoy this life while remembering Him. We are not sinners, but rather God's children. The more I thought about the faith I was following, the more I compared it to Nancy's version or most of the people there, I realized I was too different. I figured I must then be agnostic of some sort. I strongly believe in God, that He exists, loves and protects, but I dont' like all these "rules", all these silly questions about "if I do this and that, am I wrong?" I mean I would just go for ethical conclusions-yes, if you kill someone, it is wrong. But if you have a guy friend as your best freinds, you are not doing anything wrong. I mean jeez!!!
Seriously, I became feverish and I had a mind splitting headache after the Halaqa. I had to run out of the room back to my dorm and all I did was jump into my bed and try and sleep. But sleep didn't come that easily though...I just felt so restless and just so glum. I also had this dull ache that I dont' think I am still over.
If only I had someone I could turn to who wouldn't judge me in any way, but just listen to me and reiterate that God loves first and foremost, and that if I wished to live an ethical life, then I should be welcomed to do so.
I went to the Halaqa yesterday (on the insistence from a few friends who were like "you've GOT to come and speak up"), even though I wasn't that excited to go. After all, Nancy was presenting. I still haven't warmed up to her, I mean she's a nice person and all...but somehow I feel like we just dont' mesh. I feel like I my thoughts are far different from hers...and in her presence I even feel scared to speak up.
Anyways, yesterday at the Halaqa definity was not my cup of tea. Nancy talked about how we have to question all of our friendships-as if we had to gain "something higher" from them instead of having friends merely because we love to be around people. I for one was just apalled at what she said , that we have to try and have girlfriends instead of guy friends. I mean..ok..what if I can't find girls who are like me? Does that mean I have to shut myself in and keep looking for girls? God!!! This does make me angry!!! I have NO idea how I could have put up with it for more than an hour! I should have left much earlier. oh and another thing...she talked about thinking with your head rather than your heart when you are in a relationship-so as to "save yourself from the heartbreak" and also for practical reasons. Hello! In that case, I don't want to marry. I'd much rather be content giving and receiving love freely rather than doing it out of compulsion-just for the name of marriage. Yes, I want to have biological kids, if I can, yes, I want to experience true love. But marriage is much more than just meeting practical requirements, its also a lifetime commitment. God!!! How different people can be!
The more I was there, the more I kept feeling just weird...as if I was a bad person...
And then I realized that it shouldn't be how I think. I did nothing wrong. If God is my God, He is Love. I want to love God than fear him. I believe he has brought us here for a purpose and it is not merely serve him, but it is so that we can enjoy this life while remembering Him. We are not sinners, but rather God's children. The more I thought about the faith I was following, the more I compared it to Nancy's version or most of the people there, I realized I was too different. I figured I must then be agnostic of some sort. I strongly believe in God, that He exists, loves and protects, but I dont' like all these "rules", all these silly questions about "if I do this and that, am I wrong?" I mean I would just go for ethical conclusions-yes, if you kill someone, it is wrong. But if you have a guy friend as your best freinds, you are not doing anything wrong. I mean jeez!!!
Seriously, I became feverish and I had a mind splitting headache after the Halaqa. I had to run out of the room back to my dorm and all I did was jump into my bed and try and sleep. But sleep didn't come that easily though...I just felt so restless and just so glum. I also had this dull ache that I dont' think I am still over.
If only I had someone I could turn to who wouldn't judge me in any way, but just listen to me and reiterate that God loves first and foremost, and that if I wished to live an ethical life, then I should be welcomed to do so.
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