I wonder if we remember things not as they are, but for what they've made us feel. Often, we'd rather be duped into thinking something existed when that was not the case, simply because we would rather keep the memories of it unsullied by any new knowledge brought on by an awakening.
Consider this: A woman uproots from her home, disperses like a seed in the wind, and settles in another town far away. Often she remembers her life in her old hometown. And she weeps. She misses her friends and family. She misses the glow of sunrise every morning, the smell of dew on the oven-roasted farmstead, the shards of quiet scattered over provincial land. In reality, she knows that the flowers reek of rank odor. It intoxicates her and so she drinks. But, instead of rotting, the flowers need to be buried, or else any other vegetation in the vicinity will be stifled by that odor of venom, that potion of Death. For it is in burial that life finds release.
Often, the memories we yearn to hold on to are of things that we wish had happened, of events that were mere illusions. We refuse to let go because these memories, with their dubious origins, have touched us in a manner that nothing real has. Unable to renounce those feelings that have so possessed our hearts, we continue to cherish memories of things that never happened. We would rather live with the illusion of capture because living free without is unbearable.
And we miss the memory of a memory.
6 comments:
We tend to end up idealising the past too.
For better or for worse, I think it is inherent to the human being to wish for something - always. Be it a dream, a goal or to be sometime or someplace else. It keeps us going too.
I loved the "story" of the woman and the way you wrote it :)
Thank you for the good food for thought. I can certainly think of time when I feel nostalgic, but when I step back and really think about it, I know it's not a place or event I would ever want to return to.
Speaking of missing the memory... I sure do miss FrankenGirl (I found your blog through her blog). :) Maybe her ears will start burning now.
Hi Cristina
"Be it a dream, a goal or to be sometime or someplace else. It keeps us going too."
I agree. And I also agree with what you've said about idealizing the past.
I intended in my post to talk about the false impressions of reality. By no means would I be an advocate for reality as the only means for survival. But, I think one could experience moments in which one has tried to hold on to things that never were. And because these things never were, and they realize that they've been wrong, it can dampen other joys that might be thrown at their path, unless they let go of these feelings of regret and bitterness and move on for better things, including better goals and dreams.
Hi Jlb
Welcome to my blog!
I miss Frankengirl very much too. I do hope she is doing alright and comes back to the Blogosphere soon :)
I also miss FrankenGirl :'( I do hope she's doing okay.
I see what you mean, mysticgypsy. There are people who - however much they complained at the time - think any past time was better. It is worrying sometimes the way they look back and deceive themselves. And, as you say, it will never let them enjoy what they have now because they keep comparing it with what they think they had (but never really did).
I must confess I'm that way sometimes, more regarding the future than the past though. I always want stuff to happen and tend to forget to enjoy the moment.
So: carpe diem! :D
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