I've come to realize how much the act of talking to several people of my aquaintance tires me. I can probably name not more than eight people off the top of my head with whom I can have sustained, rewarding conversations. The rest is like smoke in mirrors. These rarely leave a significant trace in the footpaths of Memory, or an imprint of Consciousness in the Heart.
I don't want to be sitting and smiling and saying and listening to things I have little interest in when I'd much rather use that time to do something more interesting, like reading, or watching and interpreting a good film, or being alone pondering things, or having good discussions with people. Basically, I prefer analysis than just descriptions. Often,however, I feel like most people are unwilling to steer towards the former than the latter.
An aquaintance remarked, while we discussed this topic, that having the ability to mingle with a variety of people is an indication of a good education. She said that there is always something one can find in common with someone else.
But I wonder. Why should one listen to things that bores them, when they want to do something else? Why should one put up with something merely for the sake of schmoozing? If one's purpose in life is to dissect everyone else's comments, then this method of talking works, but if that is not the case, then why can't one be allowed to be selectively "sociable"? If one talked to everyone at the same rate, then where is the scope for a marked preference (or the reverse) for one or the other? Surely one must be able to like some things more than others. I don't understand why there is so much pressure to act "nice" all the time. I am by no means advocating for someone to be outrightly cross, but rather that one ought to be free to choose, ignore when necessary, and to love freely.
Because our energies are limited, I wonder if an excess of something (like ambition) can exist without an equal excess of something else (like suffering, isolation, ignorance, or pity).
4 comments:
To speak or not to speak?
I say Listen!
This comes from someone who loves her solitude and self-reflection. I love to mull over things and reflect. When called upon to talk about something that excites me, I put this reflection to good work, and turn it into something meaningful for others to hear. I've been constantly cast at the 'quiet one' among my friends, the one who sits back and takes in the commotion. Yet, these same friends who know me to be taciturn, also know that I'm always there to listen. Speaking and rambling on to keep face with people when you could care less gets you no where. Often we're stuck in situations where we can't avoid communicating with others, lest we be thought rude and selfish. Then what to do? Make the most of the situation. Don't make speaking such a big deal- just listen, and you'll be suprised how such an investment of your time can enrich your perspective on life. I'm working at a supermarket as a cashier this summer, and you'll be suprised how many people come through my line who just want an ear- somebody to listen to their wants or worries- or just chat about the weather and whatnot. They don't want to hear me babble about my life- that would be too tiring for both them and me. They're satisfied with a smile and a nod of my head, and a, "have a nice day." I admit, sometimes I get weary of my customers, but I would be a fool if I just went to work everyday to make money, with no other aim. I loved when M.Paul told Lucy that human nature was his study. I suppose, by listening and observing I am 'feasting on eve's apples', but it is trully a fufilling feast.
Hi Mandyjoy!
"I loved when M.Paul told Lucy that human nature was his study. I suppose, by listening and observing I am 'feasting on eve's apples', but it is trully a fufilling feast."
A great example from Villette!. I expect Charlotte Bronte was of a similar opinion as well. I too like observing and reflecting but sometimes this gets so tiring when you are in an uninteresting situation and you'd much rather be doing something else.
I am good with listening to others too, but sometimes what I am told is repetitive or very superficial and I often find this frustrating. However, I try to be patient as much as I can ;)
Oh! I too have friends who try my patience with self-centered, petty stories! I try to take in all my lemons and lemonade them, but sometimes I run out of sugar! If its crossing the line, and really taxing your energies, I would advise kindly intimating as much to then. If they are friends worth having, they should 'retrench'. If not, then maybe you can do like Lucy and tell them to march to Jericho:,) In general, make listening a rule,
but dont be a doormat.
"If not, then maybe you can do like Lucy and tell them to march to Jericho"
Amusing! :) I agree...the real friends should understand you and your desire to speak or not to speak.
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