You know ....
Its just a nice feeling when you learn. As in NOT worry about grades, parents, future career prospects etc. Its just nice to learn for learning's sake.

The less I worry about what others think and how smart I have to be, the more I find myself enjoying each class.

Today I got my Hamlet paper back...and lets just say, I didnt' get something I did NOT expect. I know Prof C is hard and all on the first paper...
But what I CAN satisfy myself with is the fact that he does like my ideas and I do push myself to think and interpret stuff. I have to work harder in writing, that's all. Plus, all the comments that Prof C made on my paper forced me to see my paper in a different light. They are points I will keep in mind the next time I write a paper. I do see how much scope there is for improvement in all of this. The difference between then and now is that I actually feel excited about what I learn. I don't feel like sleeping in class and I don't feel like my classes are a pain that I have to endure so that I can finally be "happy". The truth is, THIS is what makes me happy: the very classes themselves (even if I do a crap paper, the papers are not all of it...there are the great discussions and the potential of dreaming up stories). One can't always think they've got to pointlessly suffer in doing something that is hard...when they can do what makes them happy and benefit a whole lot of people, not to mention themselves.

But the gist of all of this is: No matter what anyone says or believes about me, I am glad I am learning. I am glad I am excited about things. I hope I never lose that streak.